First things first

So in this post I will try and stay focused about things Jamaican. As many are aware in the past few months I’ve been spending a little more than a just a few days in farin. So it is through these eyes that I present to you the first things that must be done upon arrival at di airport. Yes that would be the Norman Manley International Airport in Kingston Jamaica.

Now the route from the airport home is not determined by you, but by three influencing factors.  They are the mode of transport, the time of day and to a lesser extent the day of the week.  Now let me insert my disclaimer in here.

“The JamaicanZ” (thee juh-mey-kuhn-zee) in no way endorses or condones  the behavior described in this post. He is only stating the facts as described to him in a sealed document he received from a pirate while in Port Royal.

With that said, back to firsts.  Once you exit the doors of the airport and politely advise the JUTA team “dat yuh good”.  Prepare for the 5 minute sidewalk wait inna di heat. Now on a normal day the heat would garner a complaint ‘lawks it hat!’, but ur home so no complaint from you.  Yes, you think that the first thing for you to do is to buy a water coconut from di water coconut person across the street. Well you would be wrong. The reason is simple your chariot has arrived.

Bags inna trunk and the circuitous ride home has begun.  Now if you “chauffeur” is a gentleman of any order, a beverage should be located on the back seat for a parched, weary traveler.  Now if it were me who were being picked up my expectation would be simple. The beverage should be a cue of Appelton, two cups, a Pepsi and of course a small cooler of ice. So the first thing one does is sip a freshly made rum and coke while cruising along the airport road.

So now that you have reached the bottom of that drink, you should have reached just about stadium.  Where, if you are lucky you will be able to buy a Star at the corner of old hope road and mountain view road. Yep another first. Now the driver should be moving to the first destination without delay.  That destination is the pub @ Mayfair hotel.  Why Mayfair? Well the answer is simple.  A/C.  You just come fram farin therefore you need time to acclimatize yourself to the heat that is Kingston.  Now once you’ve poured your third drink and not a moment before, can you turn on your local phone. Here you are allowed to send only two texts. Why two? Well you do not want to raise two much of an alarm.

Now this is where, as previously stated, that the effects of time of day and day of the week come into play.  If its post 5pm. The stay at the pub will be long and filled with many cues resulting in a stop at princess chicken then home. If its pre- 5pm the heat will get the better of you. So your stay that the pub will be short lived. The result will be a long day filled with cue, in the hills then a stop at princess chicken before proceding home. No throw in the week-end factor and wow all bets are off.  A “Dance’ inna di garrison could be in the offing or maybe even a beach run.

Now that I have told you this information that was related to me please do not judge me. In addition below I have listed a few more first that from my understanding and must do’s within the first few hours of arriving back home

• Stop at my mommy’s office to give her a hug and kiss.
• Stop at Tigermart and get a coconut water because your driver neva mek you get one from the airport.
• The various social media updates so that you can make your friends and family jealous inna farin.

In closing, I will say this using the words of our esteemed DJ, Admiral Bailey.  “Nuh where no betta dan yard.”