So I sit here in my hotel room in Montego Bay on this Independence Day. The view is not of the Caribbean Sea as you would think. No way, I’m in mobay and my view is of the hills of St. James. Hmmm dis yah country pretty bad, yuh know?
Now I just said to myself that I had not blogged in a while and this topic of Jamaica being 50 would be a good one. Why? Well for those who know me, know that I love old time Jamaica. Did you know that all hot drinks in Jamaica are called Tea? Chocolate Tea, Coffee Tea, Milo Tea, Green Tea etc. I so love our language. Let me not veer off topic as I normally do.
Now, I’m not going to talk about old time Jamaica, food, music or even our athletes, as one would think. My topic today is my Jamaican women. More specifically, the difficulty I see them having in finding a “Good Man”. It’s like 90% of the women I know are either free, single or disengaged. However most of the men I know have 2 and 3 women inna dem life. The math just does not work out to me. Is it that we men have so lost our way that my Jamaican ladies will only put up with us temporarily? Say it’s not so!
I have had numerous conversations with women who are my friends. They all tell me that they yearn for a good man, an dem nah settle for anything less. They are sure to make it very clear to me that they deserve a good man because they are wife material. They want the full package good looks, money inna pocket, dresses well, cooks and know how fi do di ting (I will be deliberately vague here).
Now let me ask a question, since when is anything owed to us? If you want it you gotta work for it. Have we as a people forgotten where we are coming from? So many of my female friends are successful in all other endeavors. They are power houses in business, Sports athletes, mothers to many, lawyers’ doctors and Indian chiefs. I am so proud of the majority of women I know, I tip my hat to you. However it seems to me that by your own admission, success in relationships still eludes a large portion of your group.
Let me give you a few hints but I warn you they will be a bit controversial. At the top of my list is stop sending mixed signals. If you are interested, Show it. If you are not, make it clear in the most polite manner. Please please understand that men are still a work in progress, tek time wid wi. Now here comes the controversial part. Be submissive, be a lady. Understand that as Jamaican men wi nuh want nuh bully fi a wife. Now that is not to say that you should not be assertive. I too love my strong Jamaican woman however I not dealing with no tyrant. Now this is of major importance. Wi nuh want no 6 for 9 (behave yourself). What I mean is don’t be one way at the start of the relationship, then when you get comfortable you switch pan wi. Be consistent, be yourself all the time because it’s easier to maintain. My last suggestion is simple. Fix up yuh self. Let me explain. Make the effort in how you carry yourself. Wear the heels, do the hair and nails. I’m not saying that if you’re going to the supermarket you should be all decked out in a princess dress. But come on mek sure that yuh sort out. No ashy skin roun here.
To me a relationship is one built on mutual respect with a keen understanding of roles. The roles that men and women play in a relationship are very important and it’s when my lady friends start taking our roles from us is where we start getting into trouble. Yea Yea I hear the chorus of ladies saying dat if wi neva so wukless den unno would neva tek our roles away. Give us the opportunity to fail. Understand that it is through failure that we learn, so please tek time wid us.
I will wrap up with this and say, I love you all and I har here for you as an ear, shoulder or even a drinking buddy. If I had to give you one piece of advice I would say this. Stop lying to me, your friends and to yourself. Either you leave that temporary man or do whatever to takes to make him permanent. We all know you have that temporary man, no matter what you say! So get with the program, we aint 16 no more. We are grown so behave grown and call, text, email or send message via carrier pigeon to him that you have seen the light and you will be the woman that he wants and if he can handle it he needs to step aside and make room for the new man.